“Stop Saying You’re Fine”
by Mel Robbins
Get Out of Your Own Way – The Truth About What’s Holding You Back
What’s the biggest obstacle between you and the life you want?
I’m sure money, time, experience, and circumstances come to mind. You’re wrong. The biggest obstacle you face is you. You’re in your own way. You’ve adopted a rigid mindset that is preventing you from changing.
You know you need to change. You may even really want to change. But actually changing something about your life is often more difficult than it sounds. The author explains the truth about why you keep stalling out just before you make a real change in your life. The book closes with a seven-day challenge designed to help readers put what they’ve learned into practice. And: If you botch one day, you start over. Practical and down-to-earth, Stop Saying You’re Fine could help you push past the mental blocks and bad habits that are keeping you from getting what you really want.
• How to identify negative mindsets
• Why you don’t do what you know you should
• What to do when you feel discouraged or rejected
• What you need to do to get what you want
• How your brain tricks you into remaining stuck
PUSH THROUGH THE MENTAL WALLS THAT BLOCK YOUR PATH
The work required to get what you want never ends. You might as well add it to your long list of things that will always need your attention: groceries, laundry, trimming various errant hairs, bathing, making your bed, dishes, toenails. Everything needs to be kept up—and so does your life. If you ever feel stuck, bored, or broken it is a sign that you need to broaden and build some new experiences into your life. When you get this signal, take the
Five Steps of Getting What You Want:
1. Face the truth that something is missing from your life and you’ve been avoiding dealing with it because it is easier to do nothing.
2. Admit what you really want.
3. Go public, tell three people, and ask for advice.
4. Create a map. Identify the steps necessary to achieve your goal.
5. Lean toward what you want by taking the first small step. Then lean in again.
That is the basic anatomy of going from feeling stuck to taking action. And you will repeat this process over and over again throughout your life. Tapping into the powerful you is what is required to stop feeling stuck.
Mental walls are just as dangerous as dead-ends in the real world, because they make you want to chuck it all. The worst thing you could do now that you’ve started is give up. That sets into motion a whole series of additional mental hurdles that you create and need to overcome: embarrassment, failure, and resignation. You want to avoid those.
How to deal with each of these Five Mental Walls.
1. Feeling Rejected
To move forward in the face of rejection, you need to take a small step from where you are right now. Make a new map to move you one step (and then another) in the right direction. Then write three reasons why you desired that goal in the first place.
2. Feeling Overwhelmed
Whether you are feeling overwhelmed because you’ve got too much going on, or because you have too many choices, there is a solution—do a brain dump. You must get it all out of your head and onto a piece of paper, and then start knocking it out by taking action.
3. Feeling Unmotivated
If you see yourself losing your edge, or allowing yourself to start to let your deadlines slide, or if you feel distracted or unfocused—a lack of motivation is kicking in. If you want to maintain your momentum, you need to remain vigilant against any kind of delay. You always need to be on the lookout for thoughts that would push you to delay. Delaying is one of the primary tools resistance uses to keep you stuck.
4. Feeling Like a Fraud
You’re trying to act confident in your new business, but truthfully you feel as if you have no clue what you’re doing. It happens to all of us, no matter how accomplished or successful we become. The moment you start feeling like a fraud, you need to reconnect with some of your most positive and successful friends and let them know that you are having a hard time aligning your confidence level with your goals. So just by talking to the three most motivated, successful, and goal oriented friends you have, their momentum will actually rub off and influence your behavior.
5. Feeling Discouraged
When you are building your personal power, you are walking a line between pushing yourself past your resistance and pushing yourself too hard into a ditch. You need to be constantly aware of how you feel, and balancing resistance against genuine pain. The point of pushing through is to teach yourself the reason for doing it again and again, not frighten you away further.
TAKE OWNERSHIP OF YOUR LIFE
Underlying all feelings of being stuck is a basic problem with ownership. If you don’t own, or accept, the everyday occurrences in your day, you will begin to feel a distance from your own life. Ownership of your life cuts straight to your own vision of the future. If you don’t assume control over major portions of your life, you’re going to feel like a passenger. You’ll have nothing to look forward to, except what life hands you. That’s why you need to inhabit your life as if you own it. Owning your decisions, owning parts of your life even when they’re difficult, is what allows you to create a life and make it your own.
Here are a few questions and thoughts to get you started. Write down your responses and take action!
1. What do you want to change about your life? Where are you feeling stuck?
2. In what areas of your life are you being a chicken or a jerk?
3. List a few of your go-to anti-actions—things that you do to avoid something you know would bring
about positive change. (For example, reading a book, watching TV, surfing the Internet, calling a friend.)
4. Tell three people what your major goal is for this year.
5. Ask three people for advice on how to achieve what you want. Talk to people who have accomplished what you want to accomplish.
6. Create a map. Identify the small steps that need to be completed in order to reach your goal.
7. Do a data dump. Write down all the things (to-dos, worries, etc.) that are overwhelming and distracting you from moving forward with your goal.